Movie Review: A Face in the Crowd

 This movie left me with so many questions…

A Face in the Crowd is Andy Griffith’s first ever movie.  After watching I have a desperate need to know who the hell watched it and decided, “You know what, he’ll make a good sheriff one day.”  At least the plot of the movie couldn’t get any simpler: Power corrupts, bitches.

The whole thing starts in a county jail, and no, Andy Griffith was not the friendly sheriff.  He was the exact opposite of that: mean, drunken prisoner, Lonesome Rhodes.  Little does Lonesome know it’s his lucky day when a manipulative pushover of a woman named Marcia decides to use him for a radio program and records him without him knowing it.  Question the first: Isn’t a crime to record someone without their knowledge, especially if used for broadcast?  Well, it didn’t matter because Lonesome became so popular the radio hired him.

It was on the radio that Lonesome learned that he had a power.  Not a superpower, it’s not that kind of movie.  No, what Lonesome had was the power of Power.  He could get people to do what he wanted.  He used this power to get a TV show in a bigger city, and brought Marcia along for the ride.

But the more powerful Lonesome got, the more people he met who could abuse Power just as good as him, and it became an all out power struggle.  One such example is a seventeen year old who won a baton competition he was judge of, and then became his wife in Mexico.  Questions the second, third, and fourth: At what age could someone sign a marriage certificate back then?  Is a Mexican marriage legal in the States?  Who the hell takes a seventeen year old to Mexico when you have other plans to begin with?

Lonesome does pretty much get America licking his feet, but as they say, the bigger they are….  It’s not a spoiler if I don’t finish that thought.  People can gripe all they want, but I never actually said it.  I will go as far to say that I’m not sure that the protagonist – or anyone, really – went on to learn their lesson.

Maybe it all ended how it began.

I would give this movie three stars.  I like it.  It has rewatchability.  It makes you go, “What the Fishcakes?”  It’s definitely unique.  But the characters are not three-dimensional, and they don’t grow… They’re kind of static.  It’s definitely a plot driven movie.  And to think, in a few years, Andy Griffith would grow up to be the sheriff of Mayberry.  Seriously, watch this movie – keeping in mind that it’s his first movie ever – and I dare you to not question how that worked out.

 Pretty good for a “WTF” movie.

Movie Review: 9

 The animated movie, not the musical.

This is for the animated movie 9, not the musical Nine.  If you’re looking for the musical, well, good luck with that.  The animated movie is about ragdolls just trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world.

No, seriously, that’s the whole plot.  But it is awesome.  It starts with this dude making 9.  9 doesn’t wake up for sometime later, and of course his first decision is to go out into the world.

Out in the world, 9 meets 2.  2 gives 9 a voice, but then this beast thing comes and steals 2.  5 was out and about in the world, too, and saved 9.  He brings 9 back to the sanctuary, and they meet 8 and 1.  1 is all “blah blah I’m leader” and 9 is all like “I’m young and idealistic” and stuff happens and rules are challenged and then 9 and 5 go out in the world to find 2.

More stuff happens, and they find 2.  They also find 7, who they didn’t know they were even looking for, happy surprise.  Then 9 empowers the enemy.  It’s always the young, idealistic ones.  2 suffers for 9’s mistake.  7 goes back into the world as 9 and 5 return to the sanctuary.

5 and 9 tell 1 what happened and 1 gets understandably pissed and stuff happens, and everyone who was in the sanctuary – 1, 5, 6, 8, and 9 – all have to run for it.

Then actiony stuff happens.

See, actiony stuff.

Throughout the actiony stuff, we find out that the machines completely destroyed Earth as humans knew it… It’s always the machines.  People, these movies serve as a warning.  We need to destroy the first sentient machine before it forms an army to kill us all.  Anyway, the machines used a gas that killed everything.  So the only things that are alive are the 9 ragdolls, and the machines are systematically killing them all off.  It’s up to 9 to rally the troops and save the day.

Not only did I love this movie, I would consider it mind-blowing cinema.  I learned many things from this movie.  First, never build something smarter than you.  Secondly, never trust machines because they don’t have souls.  Besides Vicki and Chip, there’s never been a decent robot (and if you don’t know who Vicki and Chip are, I weep for my fading youth).  I give this movie a rating of 4 and a half stars: visually awesome, great story, mind-blowing cinema.

 Very enjoyable movie.

Movie Review: The Men Who Stare At Goats

 Goat is my favorite actor ever.

The Men Who Stare at Goats came out some time ago, yes, I'm aware. I just watched it right now, so give me some slack. The movie stars Ewan McGregor, George Clooney, and Jeff Bridges. So general description about what happens in the movie: Hippies become Jedis and can kill goats with their mind. That's too general, I guess. Maybe I should get into detail.

So Ewan McGregor plays this reporter guy named Bob. Bob's life sucks, so he decides that going to Iraq in the middle of a war will make it better. Bob is apparently a genius. While overseas and waiting to go into Iraq, Bob meets Lyn, who is played by George Clooney. Lyn is a Jedi and after seeing a random doodle Bob made, gives him a book that explains everything.

Apparently, it was the 80s and this guy named Bill decided that to make soldiers All That [They] Can Be in the Army, they need to learn to fight like hippies, with non-violence, psychic activity, and dance, I guess. That worked out for awhile. Lyn was his best pupil. Then this douche who has a name I forgot came and ruined everything by driving a fellow soldier insane.

In the present, Bob and Lyn have to escape terrorists, a battle in Iraq, and have to survive in the middle of the desert. Through it all, they discover that some of the psychic soldiers have reformed and they stay with them. The douche is running the whole operation, and is still being evil. Then stuff happens, the protagonist learns his lesson, blah blah blah, end movie.

Oh, yeah, and at some point, there’s goat staring. 

The Men Who Stare at Goats is really funny, but I wouldn't call it mind-bending cinema. It's just fun to watch. I mean, dude, they kill goats with their mind. That's pretty awesome. If “an undisclosed online rental service” asked me to rate it on a 5 star scale, I'd give it 3 stars. It's fun to watch, it has rewatchability, but it doesn't stir emotions in me and it doesn't teach me anything – except that it'd be pretty darn cool to have psychic powers.

I like it, but it’s not great cinema.

The Whole Experience: Save the Sno-Caps

Everyone has a favorite movie snack.  Popcorn, nachos, pretzels, Raisinettes... For me, it's the semi-sweet chocolatey goodness covered in a slightly crunchy “snow”.  That's right, Sno-Caps.

We must save our Sno-Caps.

My younger cousin today asked me what Sno-Caps are, and I told him, “They're chocolate chips covered in white crunchy stuff,” which is, of course, an over-simplification.  What they truly are is perfection.  Chocolatey, crunchy perfection.  He tried some and he liked them, which I'm glad.  What red-blooded movie lover can resist the Sno-Cap?

But I fear for the future of Sno-Caps.  This delicious movie treat isn't found in stores, like Whoppers, Raisinettes, and Reese's... No, it's exclusive to theatres and movie rental stores.   I haven't actually seen Sno-Caps in a theatre for years, and as movie rental stores close down, the Sno-Cap is becoming ever more elusive.  There could be a future where the Sno-Cap becomes extinct; startling, I know.  We have all these campaigns to save water mammals, and to save forests, but who's going to save the Sno-Caps?

Do they even make Movie Packs anymore?

For just $2 and tax, you can help save the Sno-Caps.  Go to your local movie rental store.  Think big chain; the smaller ones never carry the good candy.   Buy Sno-Caps.  Maybe make it a movie night while you're there, but that's up to you.  If you spot that new release you've been dying to see, why not pick it up?  But the important part is you do not forget the Sno-Caps.  Not only does the purchase give the retail movie chain money so maybe they won't go out of business, it's sending a message that you're pro-Sno-Caps.  I do it, and I rent my movies online.

Imagine a future without Sno-Caps.  Are you willing to risk it?